Video on Abused Men

October 2nd, 2011 by Pelle Billing

From WTTG Fox television news in Washington DC, April 2nd 1999:

They talk about:

  • The correct statistics of domestic violence.
  • How men cannot get help.
  • How men’s stories are not believed.
  • The problem with VAWA‘s focus on women.
  • How children are affected by intimate partner violence.
  • Negative stereotypes of men.

The latter point is expressed with appropriate sarcasm:

They stay after work, they have sex with their secretaries, they go to the bar with their buddies, they get drunk, they go out and have sex with the waitress, then they come home, beat the wives and have sex with the children.

If this report could be done back in 1999, then it’s high time that modern societies actually start listening to abused men.

12 Responses to “Video on Abused Men”

  1. Danny Says:

    I saw this over at Shrink4Men a day or so ago an I think I have a slight issue at about 6:24.

    It started by saying 2 million women hit their male partners and then subtracted those who hit in self defense and those who are “emotionally provoked”. I have no problem with the self defense subtraction (except for when people try to claim that women only hit men in self defense that’s with the people who use it like that) but why are the ones who are “emotionally provoked” removed from the count? Last time I checked men weren’t given an exception on abusing women who had “emotionally provoked” them so why are women given that kind of slack?

  2. Pelle Billing Says:


    Yeah, I thought that was weird as well.

    Are women excused when they are emotionally provoked?

  3. Danny Says:

    Sadly Pelle they often are. Its a pretty weird double standard when it comes to emotion provocation. Its okay for a woman to strike physically after emotional or verbal provocation but men are supposed to just “know better” and/or “walk away”.

  4. Pelle Billing Says:

    Hollywood movies don’t set a good example here. A woman hitting a man is shown as completely justified if he has upset her. The other way around… not so much.

  5. Vladimir Says:

    Yeah… about the emotional provocation…

    Women are given great leeway whenever they are emotionally distraught, or on the period. Actually, when on their period, they are almost forgiven for everything because of the “hormonal imbalance”.

    Here are my 2 cents on the matter. It’s one sided. For example, I’m losing hair, and after visiting dermatologist and a few tests, it turns out my testosterone levels are through the roof. Now, I did have temper issues when I way adolescent, but luckily, I managed to control that for the most part.

    What might be hard to understand is the difficulty involved in controlling yourself when testosterone and adrenaline spike. Imagine that you have the fight or flight syndrome on a regular basis. First, the stress from that is just mind-boggling. Second, anyone who ever had it, know how difficult it is to stay cool, calm and collected. Now, imagine you’re an adolescent as well…

    So, I’ve had this issue my whole adolescent and adult life, while they have it periodically. If I can handle it, so can they.

  6. Pelle Billing Says:

    Very interesting Vladimir. People tend to assume that women are troubled by hormones but not men.

    What’s also interesting about PMS is that originally feminists hated people citing PMS as the reason for a woman’s mood swings, but later they encouraged using hormonal mood swings as part of the defense for female murder suspects.

  7. Allan Says:

    This video is still pretty sloppy.

    The excusing of violence because it was “emotionally provoked” is ridiculous. Violent couples are locked in complex emotional dynamics with likely important precedents leading back to childhoods. There is no good theory of this violence: it’s not mental illness, simply learned from childhood in an abusive home, a strictly rational desire to control and dominate, nor just a legal problem. Yet those explanations do have some support.

    But not all violence is the same. Richard Gelles has written: “The statement that men and women hit one another in roughly equal numbers is true, however, it cannot be made in a vacuum without the qualifiers that a) women are seriously injured at seven times the rate of men and b) that women are killed by partners at more than two times the rate of men.”

    For balance, every year, about 1,200 women and 500 men in this
    country die at the hand of a spouse or partner, and some 200,000 women
    and 40,000 men seek emergency room help due to domestic violence. (from 1997, the U.S. Department of Justice study, “Violence-Related Injuries Treated in Hospital Emergency Departments,”)

    The simplistic (and rather popular) view distorts a complex problem where there are significant numbers of female abusers, male victims, violent same-sex couples or mutually violent couples who need help and aren’t getting it.

  8. david a Says:

    Great video. I think awarenes must increase.

    Here is my personal experience with spousal abuse, and Parental Alienation. Warning, strong language. I’d be interested in any feedback. I hope this video helps other people in similar situations. Thanks.

  9. Pelle Billing Says:

    david a,

    Thanks for sharing. I think it’s very powerful to share real life (anonymous) experiences in that way. It makes it real, and makes it seem “closer” somehow.

  10. david a Says:

    On the topic of double standards regarding domestic violence, you can hear my wife repeatedly punching me in the video I linked above (it’s the part where she’s screaming “I’m a f-ing good mother”). This audio ended up being presented to a domestic court judge after false allegations were made against me and a protective order filed. I also presented audio of my wife saying that she would call the police on me if I simply entered our marital home to be with our kids.

    Now, my question is, what if it were a man repeatedly punching his wife while screaming at her, “I’m a f-ing good father!” What would happen to that guy? (answer: handcuffs) And my other question is, when someone makes false allegations to authorities and repeats those false allegations in court, but lo and behold, a tape recording is revealed that makes it obvious she lied to authorities and perjured herself in court, what do you think will happen to her? (answer: nothing). The charges against me were dropped, thank God, but she received no penalty whatsoever.

  11. Pelle Billing Says:


    Yeah, we have the same double standards in Sweden. That’s why we need to talk about men’s issues and men’s rights.

    We won’t solve anything in the short term, but I think it’s quite possible to change people’s view on gender issues within a decade or two.

  12. Vladimir Says:

    Hopefully a future MP or a judge or maybe a prosecutor read this, or hear some of us out.

    Maybe, just maybe this small ripple will become a tsunami.